“So how long have you known you’re an alien?”

When Bender asked me that question, I zoned out. I thought I must have done something weird again, and I wanted to crawl somewhere dark and hide. I don’t know if I answered.

It’s been years, I don’t know how many, since the question was posed. I think now I would answer, always and never.

It’s not like I haven’t wondered, awake at night, enchanted by the idea of being from another world, perhaps placed here so I could collect data on life on earth and its inhabitants. I’d rub my feet together and drift off contentedly to sleep with the comforting idea that some day my kin would collect me and my data and my loneliness would subside.

I mean, it’s one thing to feel like an alien, to feel indescribably different, to feel inexplicably wrong for existing in the way you do… and another thing for someone to call you out on it in such a way. I never told anyone about my late night musings.

So how long have you known you’re an alien?

I don’t think I read it right; I thought I was being made fun of. I felt hot-faced and embarrassed back then; now I’m amused. Maybe it was a missed connection, another lost opportunity for a friendship that could have been if only I could’ve unmasked and just been myself. I lived almost entirely in my head in those days and my autopilot ran the show.

Last year, at the ripe old age of 36, it came to my attention that I have ADHD. That tik-tok algorithm pinned me pretty quickly once I signed up to watch cat videos. First one video, then another and another and another. Then I had to find more info, so google searches and articles and podcasts and more info please. It only really took that first video for things to start thunking into place in my mind. At once, I was filled with excitement and hope and something like empathy for myself… this is why I have such a hard time with task initiation; this is why I have a hard time focusing and following through and being on time; this is why I’m always losing things or getting distracted midsentence and forgetting what is being discussed; this is why I’m so disorganized despite my very best efforts, why I couldn’t keep my bedroom or my backpack or my desk or my locker clean; this explains my tendency to tune out the world when I’m really into what I’m doing… and perhaps it’s part of why I’m not good at making and maintaining friendships. It’s so much… and so much negative self-talk I was only vaguely aware of. I thought I was lazy, stupid, scatter-brained, absent-minded, erratic… So many things clicked for me. It was like fireworks in my mind, connecting the new information with so many experiences, validating my existence.

I felt I might be jumping to conclusions. How could I possibly have a condition like this my whole life and not know?  Why did no one else notice?

I happened to have had an appointment with my PCP the following week, so I made a note to ask her about it. To my dismay, before I got the “ADHD” out of my mouth, she interrupted me and said “I do not prescribe stimulants for ADHD.” I blurted a bit louder than I should have “I’m not looking for drugs, I’m looking for answers.” She said ok and offered to refer me to get evaluated.

Then I booked a psych eval, and in the meantime, I resisted the urge to research, afraid it would influence my behaviors since I’ve always been a bit prone to mimicry. Still, why would I suddenly be flooded with memories relevant to ADHD, memories I had completely forgotten, if I didn’t have ADHD? And why was I completely preoccupied with the idea of having ADHD in the first place? I was just living my life when I came across a short video on a stupid app for kids, and I was doing really well as far as I was concerned, living with the man I love, eating healthfully, exercising regularly and with my RA in medical remission… But I could not let it go, my memories kept hitting me throughout each day, volunteering more proofs of this life-long condition I knew so little about yet knew so much about because I’d been living with it all these years. I was sure I had it, I just needed to consult someone in the field. I needed a diagnosis.

Now I wonder… if I had let myself do more research in those early stages, if I’d not have gained the vocabulary necessary to advocate for myself? I guess I just thought that professionals would know what to ask, how to tell.

My psych eval process was a bit of a fiasco. I told them I believed I had ADHD, that 2 of my brothers had been diagnosed, and I wished to receive a diagnosis, too. I was upfront about my other mental health issues(Anxiety, Depression, PTSD, a handful of involuntary hospitalizations and a suicide attempt). However, I found the line of questioning the therapist and psychologist pursued had nothing to do with my experiences with ADHD. I was unprepared and taken completely off guard, again and again as I was asked questions that seemed to me completely irrelevant and inappropriate. I answered as honestly as I could, but not as thoroughly as I would have liked.

I am not half as articulate in person as I am when I write. I need the extra time to write down my thoughts, to organize them, to rearrange and edit them to make sure I am not misunderstood, to make sure my intended meaning isn’t missing from all the words that come to mind. I need to make sure of the context.

So I felt I needed to write to them. So much of my experience is internalized, and I felt it was inevitable that they would conclude that my ADHD symptoms were just the result of the PTSD and traumas I’ve lived through. But I was sure the ADHD is responsible for my resilience in dealing with the traumas and my persistent drive to better myself and live my life on my own terms. And I did not want to walk out of this harrowing experience with a misdiagnosis of a mood or personality disorder I knew I did not have.

So I looked up the diagnostic criteria for ADHD in the DSM-V, and was validated to see myself in nearly all of the items. I printed it out and wrote notes on it- how each applied to me in childhood and adulthood with specific examples. This I gave to the psychologist who evaluated me so I could receive my diagnosis, along with an essay and some online self-test results. He called me willful and defiant, but agreed I had ADHD… and I laughed. Maybe laughing was not appropriate, but really, of all the things I’ve been called in my life, “willful and defiant” was never among them.

Diagnosis in hand, I declined medication, as I was/am eager for knowledge, not life changes. Medication may be something I want to explore in the future, but I may have to do battle with some internalized ableism in order to do so. Besides, I have had some intensely negative experiences with psych meds in the past. Diagnosis was like a green light for me, like it’s okay to do more research and apply it to myself.

I entered research mode, leaning into the works of Dr. Hallowell and Dr. Ratey, as well as Dr. Barkley. (I did not care for Barkley’s language use, but I still found his information helpful and applicable.) I wanted to find the voices of professionals who lived with the condition, people who, in my mind, knew what they were talking about because they lived with the condition, this brain-wiring difference. I found content creators in various social media platforms with ADHD whose life experiences and thought processes resonated so strongly with my own. I joined support groups and listened to podcasts. I read countless articles. There are so many things I never realized were linked to ADHD. I read about how it can present in women, and I read about how AFAB women are more likely to fly under the radar, to go undiagnosed or misdiagnosed for a slew of personality and mood disorders. These undiagnosed women are more likely to engage in risky behaviors, more likely to attempt suicide, get in car accidents, become alcoholics and so on and on it goes… It was so much. It is so much.

And then… Autism popped up. Again and again. The comorbidity rates between Autism Spectrum Disorder and ADHD are pretty high, even though the two conditions could not be diagnosed in one person until in recent history, in 2013 when the DSM was updated to allow such a thing- several years after my “dark ages” when I had interacted with mental health professionals.



Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.”

-Lao Tzu


I lost June somehow…

Somewhere in between sunrise and the fireflies, the moonlit nights and the meteorites…

Vague dreams take shape, struggling, dragging, then thriving and flowing into tangible, achievable goals… and ebbing into self-doubt and insecurities.

Becoming. What am I becoming?

This remains to be seen! A reluctant blogger to be sure. I am not even comfortable calling myself a blogger, honestly. But here I am, trying.

I am an absent-minded dreamer, yet absent doesn’t mean unaware, vacant or devoid of all thought; I just need time to sort it all

An old idea takes shape in my mind as if it was newly made. It is a goal, an ideal: the only way to be successful is to succeed at becoming oneself.

A feeling that I have to hide what I am in order to be tolerated must be dismissed.

This, I believe is the source of my reluctance. I’m weird by society’s standards, and I am happily so. 

Here, I recall: my journey is my own, and I am what I am, as you are what you are. Likewise, we have an incredible power to shape our lives and our perception of life itself.

Leading a life uncommon is a tricky business. It confuses people who cling to an archaic man-made recipe for fulfillment

Funny thing, all of the world’s most disturbing problems are 100% man-made at the root…

I digress

June has been productive, painful, and enlightening! I pushed myself to release 2 of the patterns I’ve been working on (longer than I’d like) this month. If I’ve set it up correctly, you should be able to click on picture to view the pattern listing.

The Granny Grid:

And the Diamond Mesh:

All worked in one piece from the bottom, these reusable bags are durable and machine washable with super stretching capabilities. And they’re cute! Well, I think they are.  Just say no to plastic grocery bags- they are worse than pointless, they are harmful.

The Harmony Market tote series means a lot to me, and I mean to see it through. There will be at least 3 more of them, and I will take some time to write about my motivations for this series at some point.

I can confidently say I’m a crochet designer now! That giddy feeling of seeing the product a stranger made with my pattern for the first time was enough to set me straight. Reinforcement, though unnecessary, arrived when I made my first few pattern sales.

Now I’m, a little more confidently/hopefully, looking forward. I want to be able to write patterns that are easy to follow with helpful hints for beginners and those who don’t like reading patterns.

Some crochet things I aim to work on are photo taking/lighting, and pattern naming. I’d like to have people test my patterns in the future as well. I’m going to try to release (at least) one pattern per month for the rest the year. I’ve gotta get at least a couple of the mermaid tails written up, and I want to finish my first mandala Afghan design too. There will probably be some tea cozies, a sweater, and a shawl, maybe more mandalas.

I need to get back to the marvelous summer beverage cozy for some minor edits, too. Not really a priority but I hope by writing it here, I won’t neglect it for too long.

I might sneak in some more recipes here too. I’ve been fussing with my lemon blueberry scone recipe, and it’s almost ready to share. 🙂

Lastly, as I aimed to do from my first post, no sugar coating. Time for some honest, confessional spoonie talk. With healthcare issues being a topic of much debate, I feel compelled to share at least a part of my story.

I don’t feel sorry for myself, and I don’t want others to feel sorry for me either, so I avoid talking about it. There are worse things, but this is a piece of my reality, and not, I imagine,  uncomparable to the reality of others who live with autoimmune diseases/disorders or chronic pain.

I overworked myself this month… We tackled our first home improvement project together, re-finishing our deck. I got enthusiastic, and it was fun.

Definitely not something I ever saw myself doing! Decks are such a weird luxury. And a lot of work. Cleaning, washing, filling, sanding, staining… My partner did most of the work, but I chugged along at my slower pace, and it was a good time. Just a little bit stressful.

A dear friend of mine came over and helped us push through the final leg.

Now we can get back to our potted garden and stargazing on the deck without fear of splinters!

And now I am suffering for it. I don’t mean muscle soreness from more than average physical exertion. A flare, or something akin to one. They don’t happen often anymore, because I am usually careful about controlling the things I can control, like diet, exercise, and limiting my daily activities- budgeting my spoons, so to speak. But sometimes I relax a little because I feel ok, and I take on projects my doctor would frown upon, because I let myself forget what it’s like… or because I choose to forget/ignore? I don’t know. I get carried away.

My partner told me to take it easy, but I was too caught up in the moment to bother or to really hear and comprehend.

So here I am glued to the couch, narrating this post to the cat through the microphone on my phone. I’ll have to go back and insert some pictures and links when I’m done, check for typos…. but anyway.

What’s a flare you say? What’s wrong with me, anyway? Rheumatoid Arthritis is not Osteoarthritis; it is a different, fiery beast.  I don’t know how it is for other folks with RA because, though I have spoonie friends, they, like me, don’t like talking about it. We like unrelated, therapeutic subjects, like crafting and art and music.

However, in a lot of the RA/Spoonie groups on Social networks, many express sorrow at the lack of understanding, the lack of empathy from their loved ones and close friends. They feel like people think they’re faking or are just selfish and lazy.

For my part, I always did my best to walk normally, to not let people see what was going on inside, right up until my invisible illness stopped being invisible.  Did that make me strong or stupid? I still don’t know.

When that happened, I marveled at the attitude of strangers toward the visibly deformed version of me. Everyone suddenly became very friendly and accommodating; it was very confusing. That strange, encouraging yet piteous look in their eyes took me a long time to classify.  Random people at the grocery store go from grumbling at my slowness in the produce section to asking if I need help reaching the zucchini!

Today, I don’t care what people think.

Today, my joints pulse with heat. It radiates from so many places at once that it’s difficult to pinpoint. Fingers, wrists, elbows, hips… neck, back, shoulders, knees, ankles… everywhere. My muscles struggle through the fire, swelling, and stiffness to do what needs to be done. I am utterly zapped. It feels like gravity is cheating, like an invisible force is working against me. Getting out of bed is the biggest hurdle…

Seeing these words, I’m reminded of my days of working full-time, days I wouldn’t get out of bed at all, save to use the bathroom. 

I was not medicated; After my initial diagnosis, in my early 20s, I went untreated for more than a decade.  My mental health issues were no doubt partly responsible. I could not afford insurance, and I was not eligible for medical assistance because I worked full-time. Free clinics could do nothing for me other than prescribe naproxen sodium(aleve) because RA drugs need to be monitored by a specialist. I gave up.

So… Flares used to be worse. Like real flares. I could never get enough sleep, I could never stay asleep, drifting in and out of pain and dreams. Unrelenting pain, involuntary vocalizations…

Memory lane…

Getting stuck in bed, getting stuck on the toilet, the cat yowling at the bathroom door.  I felt impossibly weak with pain shooting through my knees when I tried to stand.  It was like gravity had changed, throwing a heavy unseen blanket over my whole body, and I was helpless against it. I had no future and no past, just one task. Get up. Yelling at the cat to shut up so I can focus on standing.  Crying and apologizing to the cat.  Chiding myself for drinking the water that made me have to use the bathroom… 

Well, today’s flares are different.  I got lucky in meeting the love of my life, lucky enough to not have to work full-time anymore, and lucky I am now eligible for medical assistance. I take Humira injections and aleve sparingly, I see the specialist 3-4 times a year, and I take much better care of myself.

Nowadays my Kikabeast needs her medication in the morning, so I get up, and my love for our little family here carries me through the motions.  Quality may vary, but every day is a gift. 

Now my feet… what can I say. I keep drinking tea, and waiting too long to pee. This way, as I limp at speed, I can focus on getting to the toilet on time instead of the sensations responsible for my strange gait.

My partner offers massages and biofreeze, he brings me my tea and takes care of me best he can, when I let him. (Honestly, the biofreeze just makes my skin cold- it can’t touch the source.)

As my doctor noted early in my treatment, medication can only do so much. He warned in my very first appointment, “I believe I can make you at best 50% more comfortable.”

And I am much more comfortable, but I suppose I’m not ready to accept that I have to constantly talk myself out of doing the things I want/need to do because of RA. I don’t know if I ever will. How often do we do home improvement projects together anyway? We’ve been together 8 1/2 years, and this was the first time. How could I miss that? I know this disease will continue to progress, and I know the deformity will get worse. But it is what it is.

So, mind over matter, this too shall pass. And it will. I could sit here with my head in my hands calling myself stupid for overdoing it, but it was my choice. I think in the grand scheme of things, decks are kind of silly, but oh the joy of stepping outside on a good day, barefoot with tea in hand, to serenade the dawn with a choir of birds and a purple sky.  Sometimes flares are random, at least I have the weird/awesome luxury of a new deck to show for it.

I’m deciding it was worth it, this time.


Chronic pain has been my greatest teacher in philosophy. It demands a strong adversary, that is to say, a diversion that will be enough to forget the pain or at least to put it in the corner. It implores me to rise above, to avoid the path of self-destruction and to create, to love.

That’s the gist anyway, and all I care to say on the matter at the moment.

Thank goodness for yarns and musics.


PS: If you haven’t checked out the original spoon theory post, find it here. My RA is no longer invisible, but I still find the content extremely relevant.


IMG_2252 (2).JPG

Note to self: Rest days provide me with the opportunity to reflect, so I attempt to figure out the source of the flare, or what could have prevented my present discomfort. Yes, I over did it, but why? I believe it is here: My unwillingness to stop what I was doing when the symptoms began. It is hard for me to say I cannot do a thing a me without RA could do. So I must edit and say the deck experience was a good time, mostly. It became a little frustrating when the symptoms started creeping in, and the spiteful and jealous RA creature I sometimes slip into when I’m in pain peeked out a little. It wants me to be jealous of all the folks who handled life better and all those who life handled better. I got a wee bit snappy, but checked myself. I am grateful to be with someone who understands me so well.

On Banana Granola…

“You don’t understand anything until you learn it more than one way.”

– Marvin Minsky

I am a big fan of oats. Warm, comforting oatmeal, convenient overnight oats, and granola of course. Oats and oat flour do lovely things to homemade breads, cakes, cookies, and scones. And as that secret ingredient in my stuffed cabbage, stuffed mushrooms, veggie burgers and gelato.

I digress.

So. Granola.

A few folks have asked me recently, and not so recently, about how I make my granola, so I thought I ought to take a little time to explain it here.

When I first started doing the homemade granola thing, I used recipes from my cookbooks and the internet, most of which relied on oil and some form of sugar, usually maple syrup.

Really delicious stuff, but as I became aware of the connection between sugar/oil and my RA symptoms, I’ve been doing a fair bit of food editing to keep unnecessary symptoms at bay.

Not to mention, I think maple syrup is too expensive to rely on for a staple- and granola has definitely become a staple in this household.

So what’s really necessary when it comes to granola? Oats right? And something to glue them together that is yummy and a just a little sweet.

My granola is very basic- you need about 3 ingredients and an hour to get it done. Most of that hour is hands off, so making granola can be an ideal activity for multitasking.

Bananas, oats, and a little salt. Everything else is whatever you want it to be. I usually add lemon juice, and sometimes I add cinnamon or an extract. And sometimes little lemon peel blended with the bananas is lovely for lemon lovers like me. By making your own granola, you can customize it to meet your own needs/preferences. Dried and fresh fruits can be added just before serving.

I let the overripe bananas do the sweetening, and the blender makes quick work of liquifying the bananas.

Sometimes it’s necessary to grab a spatula and scrape down the sides of the blender.

Then it’s just a matter of incorporating the oats…

… until you get that nice, light consistency where the oats stick to each other and form small clusters.

Then spread them out over two parchment lined sheets and into they oven they go!

I enjoy my granola with fruit and homemade yogurt or to use in combination with fruit and craisins to amp up simple store-bought cereal. This super easy granola formula is quite versatile in its simplicity.

Basic Banana Granola

Makes 4-6 cups


2-3 very ripe bananas

Juice of 1/2 lemon(optional)

1 tsp vanilla(optional)

1/2- 2 tsp ground cinnamon(optional)

1/4 tsp salt

1/4-1/2 cup nuts or seeds (optional)

4-6 cups rolled oats- this varies depending on banana size and whatever extracts are added

Preheat oven to 275 degrees(fahrenheit). Line 2 baking sheets with parchment paper.

1. Blend everything except the oats and optional nuts until smooth. Transfer mixture to large bowl.

2. Stir in the oats, one cup at a time, until desired consistency is reached. Gently fold in the nuts/seeds here, if using.

3. Spread the oat mixture evenly onto the prepared baking sheets.

Bake for 20 minutes, flip and stir granola, breaking up any too large clusters. Bake for 20 minutes more, flip and stir again.

Turn oven up to 300 degrees, then bake a final 15-20 minutes or until oats are a golden brown. Remove from oven, stir again, and let cool on the pan.

Store in an air tight container and enjoy!

One batch will keep for about a month, though it usually doesn’t last that long around here.


Free Pattern- Marvelous Summer Beverage Cozy

“However difficult life may seem, there is always something you can do and succeed at.”

-Stephen Hawking

To skip over my babblings and jump straight to the pattern, click here.

As a crochet addict/maker of things, I have a hard time sitting down and watching movies or TV shows without a hook and yarn in hand. It seems like every time I try, my mind wanders. Within a few minutes, some small cue on screen will have inspired me to reach for my idea book… or straight for the yarns.

So, quite naturally, I considered bringing a just a little ball of yarn and a hook to the theater to keep my hands busy when we went to see Endgame earlier this month…

It’s never a matter of how much I may or may not enjoy a movie. It would definitely take more than one viewing to fully analyze the film, and the chances of me making it through without a pee break were minimal anyway… so why not bring something small and simple to chip away at and stop my hands from getting stiff in the conditioned air of the theater?

After weighing the pros and cons, I decided to leave the yarn home and try to behave like a normal person for the movie date.

After all, I really ought to pay attention so I could be prepared for the in-depth discussions I knew we would dive into the moment we exited the building.

Well, I rather enjoyed the movie! Overall, I think it was nice and neat way to close one chapter in the MCU and open the gate for the next one!

Shortly after the anger and incredulity that took hold at the manner of Ant-man’s escape from the quantum realm, some props caught my eye- little wicker cup holders!

I’ve never come across any in my wanderings, and it never occurred to me how lovely it would be to have a cozy around a glass in the summer. Cold summer beverages tend to leave a glass sweaty and slick with condensation, especially when enjoyed outdoors. Why did I not think of this before?

And I am always on the look out for small, practical projects to use up yarn scraps and help me practice pattern writing.

Crocheted with a machine wash and dryable yarn, maintenance of the cozies would be easier than wicker, considering this dusty country road I live on.

So I scooped up my cotton blend leftovers and set to work to create a simple, stylish beverage cozy that could stretch to fit a glass snugly. I also wanted a little subtle texture to make the glass easier to pick up and hold.

The glasses I made these for are 4″ tall with a bottom diameter 2 7/8 inches, and a top diameter of 3 1/2 inches.

You can easily accommodate a wider, narrower, taller or shorter glass by adding or subtracting rounds from the middle sections, or using a different yarn with a different sized hook. I will probably come back to this at some point as I have some matching narrower/taller glasses that won’t want to be left out of the cozy fun.

I narrowed the yarn down to Lion Brand’s comfy cotton blend. It’s a soft, 3 ply light yarn that feels a little bit thicker than most yarns I’ve used from that weight category. The mochaccino color in particular seemed evocative, with the memory of wicker fading in my mind.

Since I had a bunch of balls between 11 and 18g, that was my target yarn amount. I tried a couple other colors out while fiddling with the design.

LBCCB Chai Latte

And one without coaster in Stained glass- works great for my taller glasses and only 11g! 🙂

Worked from the bottom up, the coaster section is a quick, 3 round circle of DC, sealed with one round of blsc and 2 rounds of sc. The blsc sts can be swapped for regular sc if you’d prefer.

The middle section is composed of chs and FPhdcs. The chs help make the cozy stretchable and form fitting to the glass as it gradually gets wider toward the top. The middle section is great for free styling/improvising. You can basically get away with any combination of chs and sts, so long as you don’t change the st count.

It finishes nice and easy with 2 rounds of sc.

The cozy looks pretty nifty inside out, too, so no worries if someone in your household puts one on that way! 🙂


Marvelous Summer Beverage Cozy

Here’s what you need:

Yarn: I’m using Lion Brand Comfy cotton blend in Mochaccino: 17g for one with a built in coaster, or 11g with no coaster.

Hook: US H8/5.00mm, or hook to obtain gauge

Tapestry needle for end weaving

Measuring tape

Gauge notes: The first 3 rnds should be about the same in diameter as the bottom of the glass; slightly larger is ok. Mine is just under 3″ after rnd 3 is complete.

*US crochet terminology used throughout- scroll to the bottom of this post for abbreviations and special stitch instructions

*stitch counts are underlined at the end of each round 

The cozy:

Ch 3, sl st in the first ch to form a ring, or use a magic ring.

1. Ch 2- does not count as a st. 12 DC into the ring. Join to 1st DC with a sl st. 12 DC

Rnd 1 complete.

2. Ch 3- counts as DC. DC in same st.  2 DC in each st around. 24 DC

Rnd 2 complete.

3. Ch 3- counts as DC. 2 DC in next st. [DC, 2 DC in next st] around. Join to 3rd beg. ch with sl st. 36 DC

Rnd 3 complete.

At this point, your work should be slightly larger than the base of your glass.

4. Ch 1- counts as blsc.  Blsc in each st around. Join to beg. ch 1 with sl st. 36 blsc

Work through BOTH back loops for blsc

Rnd 4 complete.

If you don’t want a built in coaster, start here with a foundation ch of 36, sl st into the 1st ch to form a ring, mindful not to twist the ch.

5-6. Ch 1- counts as sc. Sc in each st around. Join to beg. ch with sl st.

Rnds 5-6 complete. This is a good place to add an extra round or two if you’re working with a taller glass.

7. Ch 1, sc in same st as join. ch 2. [sk 2 sts, sc in the next st, ch 2] around. Sk last 2 sts, join to 2nd beg. ch with sl st. 12 sc, 12 ch sps

Rnd 7 complete- I’ve since edited this round, swapping the original hdcs for scs- the picture will reflect the change as soon as I find a wee bit of time to make another and retake the photo.

8. Ch 1- does not count as st. FPhdc on the same st as join. Ch 2. [FPhdc on the next sc, ch 2] around. Join to first FPhdc with sl st.

9-13. Ch 1- does not count as st. FPhdc on the same st as join. Ch 2. [FPhc on the next hdc, ch 2] around. Join to 1st hdc with a sl st.

At the beginning of each of these rounds, ignore the beg. ch 1 and head straight for the post.

The work will pucker slightly here- don’t worry! Just be mindful not to make your chains too tight- this section will stretch and help the cozy fit snugly around the glass. This is also a good place to add rounds if your glass is taller.

14. Sl st into ch sp. Ch 1, 3 sc in same sp. 3 sc in each ch sp around. Join to 1st sc with sl st. 36 sc

Sl st into the ch sp, ch 1, 3 sc in same sp

Rnd 14 complete.

15. Ch 1, sc in same st as join and in each st around. Fasten off and finish with an invisible join.



Sew in those ends and enjoy your new marvelous summer beverage cozy!

Abbreviations and Special Stitches

ch(s) = chain(s); st(s) = stitch(es); sp(s) = space(s); sl st = slip stitch; sc= single crochet; blsc = back loop single crochet; hdc = half double crochet; dc = double crochet; [ ] = work directions in brackets the number of times specified; ( ) = work the directions in the parenthesis all in one st or sp; rnd(s) = round(s)

fphdc = front post half double crochet. YO, insert hook around the post of the st indicated. Work the rest of the hdc as usual(YO, draw up a loop. YO, draw through all 3 loops on hook).

For the variation in the center, I swapped the scs in Rnd 7 for hdc, and the FPhdcs in Rnd 12 for FPDCs, then straight to the final 2 rnds as written.

Free Pattern- Mini tote

I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble.”

-Helen Keller

To skip over my babblings and jump straight to the free pattern, click here.

If you’d like an ad-free copy of this pattern that includes variations for multiple sizes, or if you’d just like to support me as a designer, consider purchasing your download for a small fee from my new Ravelry store here.

Harmony Market Tote Series, No. 1: Diamond Mesh Tote

Easy, no sew, mini, all-purpose, super durable, fantastically stretchy, solid bottomed, mesh-bodied, kid friendly market tote. 

This tote is a collection of basic stitches organized in an intuitive way, the result being a functional and durable bag that’s fun and easy to make.

It is worked in rounds from the bottom up in one piece- no assembly or sewing involved, and no excessive end weaving.

Better still, you don’t need to do much stitch counting beyond the beginning couple of steps and the handle round- visual cues are abundant. For instance, the stitch increases in the base section always land in the center of the increases from the round before- easy peasy.

They are perfect for those heavy grocery items that can too easily be overloaded into larger and less capable bags, such as canned goods.  They are very durable and can hold a good deal of weight- up to 20 lbs!


Not that the occasion to carry 20 pounds in a little handmade bag comes along very often…

With lighter contents, the bag is petite and great for kids who like to carry their own shopping bags. It would make a great little beach bag!  Machine wash and dryable= easy maintenance.


And I love a good solid bottom to prevent little things from slipping through the diamond mesh.

Sooo… on to the lil tote of many adjectives!

Mini Tote


Yarn: RHSS, shown in wildflower; approx. 170 yards/100 grams

Hook:  US I9/5.50mm, or size to obtain gauge

one stitch marker (optional)

tapestry needle, to weave in your two ends 🙂

Gauge: Gauge is not critical- mine measures 6” x 3.5” after Rnd 5 is complete.

Finished Unstretched Dimensions: About 9” long and 12.5” wide, with an opening of 21” at the top. The handles are 11″ long each. This bag can stretch a lot!

*US crochet terminology used throughout- scroll to the bottom of this post for abbreviations and special stitch instructions

*stitch counts are underlined at the end of each round

*hopefully helpful hints are in italics

Ch 12

Rnd 1. Sc in 3rd ch from hook and in next 8 chs. (sc,hdc) in last ch.  (Hdc counts as a ch 2 sp join.)           10sc, 2 ch 2 sps

Figure 1.JPG
Figure 1: Rnd 1 complete.


Rnd 2. Ch 2- does not count as st. 3 DC on the side of the hdc join.

(Do not turn, but continue to work along the bottom of the foundation chain.)

DC in 10 sts. 6 DC in the ch 2 sp.  DC in 10 sts.  3 DC on the side of the hdc join. Join with a sl st in the 1st DC made.            32 DC

Figure 2.JPG
Figure 2: The first AND last 3 DC go here, on the side of the hdc join.

Figure 3.JPG
Figure 3: Rnd 2 complete.


Rnd 3.  Ch 1- counts as sc. *3 sc in next st. Sc in 12 sts. 3 sc in next st.* Sc in 2 sts.      Repeat from * to *   Sc in last st. Join with a sl st to the beg. ch 1.              40 sc

Rnd 4. Ch 3- counts as DC. DC in next st. *3 DC in next st. DC in 14 sts. 3 DC in next st.* DC in 4 sts. Repeat from * to *   DC in 2 sts. Join to 3rd beg. ch with sl st.           48 DC

Rnd 5.  Ch 1- counts as sc.  Sc in 2 sts.  *3 sc in next st.  Sc in 16 sts. 3 sc in next st.* Sc in 6 sts. Repeat from * to *   Sc in 3 sts. Join to beg. ch 1 with a sl st.                56 sc

Figure 4.JPG

Figure 5.JPG
Figures 4 and 5: Rnd 5 complete. Gauge = 6″ x 3.5″

Rnd 6.  Ch 3- counts as DC. DC in 3 sts. *3 DC in next st. DC in 18 sts. 3 DC in next st.* DC in 8 sts.      Repeat from * to *   DC in 4 sts.  Join to 3rd beg. ch with a sl st.                 64 DC

Rnd 7. Ch 1- counts as sc.  Sc in 4 sts.  *3 sc in next st. Sc in 20 sts. 3 sc in next st.* Sc in 10 sts.    Repeat from * to *   Sc in 5 sts. Join to beg. ch 1 with a sl st.                       72 sc

Rnd 8. Ch 3- counts as DC. DC in 5 sts. *2 DC in next st. DC in 22 sts. 2 DC in next st.* DC in 12 sts.     Repeat from * to *  DC in 6 sts. Join to 3rd beg. ch with a sl st.                      76 DC

Rnd 9.  Ch 1- counts as sc. Sc in next st and in each st around. Join to beg. ch 1 with a sl st.                 76 sc

Rnd 10. Ch 3- counts as DC. DC in next st and each st around. Join to 3rd beg. ch with a sl st.                76 DC

Rnd 11.  Repeat rnd 9

Rnd 12.  Repeat rnd 10

Rnd 13.  Repeat rnd 9

Rnd 14.  Ch 1, sc in same st as join. [ch 4, sk next st, sc in next st] around to the 2nd to last st. Ch 2, sk last st, DC in the first sc of the round. The dc join counts as 2 chs and the first sc of the next rnd.         38 sc, 38 ch sps

Figure 6.JPG
Figure 6: Ch 2, skip the last st.

Figure 7.JPG
  Figure 7: DC in the first sc of the round.


Rnds 15-21.  [Ch 4, sc in the next ch sp] around to the last ch sp. Ch 2, DC in the DC of the previous round.

Figure 8.JPG

Figures 8 and 9: At the end of each Rnd, ch 2 then DC into the DC of the previous round.

Rnd 22. Ch 3. [Sc in the next ch sp, ch 3] around. Join to the last DC of R21 with sl st.

Rnd 23. Sl st into the next ch sp. Ch 2-does not count as st. 2 DC in same sp. 2 DC in each ch sp around. Join to 1st DC with a sl st.                      76 DC

Rnd 24. Ch 1, sc in same st as join and in each st around. Join to 1st sc with a sl st. 76 sc

Handle Round


Rnd 25. Ch 1, sc in same st as join. Sc in 19 sts.

*[ch 1, turn, sc in 2 sts] 42 times, or until handle reaches desired length. If you decide to make your handle longer or shorter, just be sure to add or subtract rows evenly so you end up stitching down the correct side of your handle.

Ch 1- mark ch. Sc down the side of the handle.

Sc in 14 sts. Drop hook and line up handle.(figure 10)  Insert hook into the marked st and pull the dropped loop through. (figures 11-12)

Ch 1. [insert hook through the next st on the top of the handle and the next st of R24. YO, pull through both sts] twice. *

Ch 1. Sc in next 22 sts.

(figures 13-15) 

Repeat from * to *

Ch 1. Sc in last 2 sts. Join to 1st sc with a sl st.

Figure 10.JPG
Figure 10: Line up your handle. 


Figure 11.JPG

Figure 12.JPG
Figures 11-12: Flip the handle forward; insert hook through marked ch and pull loop through.

Figure 13.JPG
Figure 13: Sl st the handle to the body.   

Figure 14.JPG

Figure 15.JPG
Figures 14-15: Ch 1, then sc as indicated. 


Rnd 26. Ch 1, sc in same st as join. Sc in next 16 sts. This puts you one stitch before the handle begins.

*Sc2tog using the next st and 1st available space on the outer edge of the handle.

Sc along the outer edge of the handle up to the last available sp.

Sc2tog using the last available space on the handle and the 1st available sc after the handle. *

Sc in 18 sts.   Repeat from * to *

Sc in the last st.  Join with your prefered method(I like an invisible join, see remaining figures) and FO.

Sew in ends.

Figure 16.JPG    Figure 17.JPG   Figure 18.JPG   Figure 19.JPG

Stitches and Abbreviations

St(s) =stich(es);  sp(s) = space(s); ch(s) = chain(s); sc = single crochet; hdc =half double crochet; DC = double crochet; sl st =slip stitch; sc2tog= single crochet two together; [ ] = work directions in brackets the number of times specified; ( ) = work the directions in the parenthesis all in one st or sp; * * = set of instructions to be repeated later as specified; sk = skip; beg. = beginning; YO = yarn over

That’s all!

Thanks for taking the time to use my pattern! Enjoy your new bag!

Update 6/7/19: If you’d like an ad-free copy of this pattern that includes variations for multiple sizes, or if you’d just like to support me as a designer, consider purchasing your download for a small fee from  my new Ravelry store here.